05 June 2012

Don't Open the Door - A Bit of Short Fiction

This is a continuation of last week's contribution to Writer Wednesday Blog Hop.

Click here to read the previous entries.
"Becky, we shouldn't be doing this." Brittney whispered.

We were hiding in the hallway closet of our rented cabin and operation payback was about to commence. I almost felt bad for the three buffoons who were about to get a taste of their own medicine. I wanted Tori to take part, but she never would do that to her boyfriend. Not to mention she can't keep secrets.

"Okay, go." I whispered to Brittney.

Earlier in the week, we found a hidden door at the side of the hallway closet door that went behind the walls of the cabin. I followed Becky who had pressed open the secret passageway and heard it close behind me. This was where revenge would take place.

The corridor was dark except for a few peep holes that let us peek into the living room. I heard the jovial laughter of the three burly Texans.

I stepped on the chair that we dragged back here.

"Hand me the file." I whispered to Brittney.

She handed me the metal file and I scraped it against the wooden chair. We heard the laughing stop.

"What was that noise?" One of them asked.

"Go." I whispered to Brittney.
Brittney started making low groaning noises. It echoed against the narrow space and it sounded like a dying animal.

"What the fu--?"
I heard moving around.

"Get out of the house." A voice whispered beside me.

I giggled. "Good one Brittney."

Silence. I looked down where Brittney stood and she wasn't standing there.

I heard a knock at the door.

Through the peephole I saw one of the guys look out the window.
"It's your dumb ass friend, Tori. She's standing outside with the mask and cape thinking she could scare us."

My heart raced as he went for the door. That wasn't me outside.

"Don't open the door!" I shouted.

I banged against the walls. It stopped them for a second and one of Lance's friends walked towards where I stood.

"Becky, you nut case. What are you doing?"

"I'll explain later, but stay away from the door."

I scrambled out of the narrow passageway and heard mumbling in the living room. I pressed against the door that would have taken me to the closet. It didn't budge.

"Help me!"

I heard the front door open. I heard rumbling in the living room, heavy noises that sounded like...bodies being thrown against the floor. I screamed, but no one responded.

"Where is everyone?" I shouted.

"You are the winner." A voice whispered behind me, it's icy breath freezing my neck.

Panicking I pushed against the door and staggered through it. Instead of tumbling into the hallway, it was a field. It was summer. I knew this yard. The yard where I grew up. I heard my brother in the distance. Playing pirate ship. He was calling out for me to be the lookout and sit in the crow's nest. And I was thirteen again.

Something was wrong. Terribly wrong.

I am also proud to say that all of this was written on my cell phone. My laptop wouldn't stop crashing. So, boo-yow. Which will also explain any weirdo formatting issues.


  1. Hi Nicole. Reading this after last weeks entry, you really pulled me in. I was expecting another innocent prank. Now I have to know what happens next. Really great suspense building.
    Hope you get your computer back up and running.

    1. Thanks! I like the idea of continuing like this, one of the other contributors gave me this idea who has been doing the same with hers. It makes it more fun!

  2. I'm not sure I would have been able to talk myself into that corridor to begin with. No. Never mind. I already know I wouldn't have done it. Then to find out that was the only way to "win" ... definitely gave me shivers. :)

    1. Heehee..thanks!! I enjoyed that part. I totally would have gone down the corridor!! I love secret passageways. Except the fear of spiders would have kept me at bay.

  3. I didn't catch the story last week so I read it then continued to this one. What a prank that was but the suspense really pulls you in. Great story!

    I also wrote something on this week's picture but was wondering how come there was no linky attached. Anyway, hope you can drop by mine (http://anne-writersspace.blogspot.com/2012/06/rite-of-passage.html#comment-form) and tell me what you think. Thanks!

  4. This was a great twist from a prank to what appears to be real terror. Hope to hear the end of the story!


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