Payback's A.... - A Bit of Short Fiction

May 29, 2012
Seven hours on the road, four arguments, and three bathroom breaks later, we arrived at the cabin. By the time we dragged in all of our bags, argument number eight begun. Myself, my best friend Tori, her boyfriend Lance, and my roommate Brittney all chipped in for a week in a mountain cabin and I was beginning to think this was a mistake.

I busied myself with claiming one of the beds while argument eight finished. Meanwhile, Brittney cried out over a broken nail and I sat down on the lumpy mattress and took a long breath. Soon the arguments would die down and all of us would be laughing over a glass of wine. Or two.

Behind my closed eyes, I heard the sounds of footsteps. The steps paused. And then I heard a scream.

"Becky, the window!"

My eyes flew open and at the window was a man. The clouds and snow building up outside gave his face a ghoulish look. In the distance, I saw another. He wore a heavy cloak and white mask as he stood facing the cabin.

"Lance!” I yelled out. Brittney and I watched as the strange man headed in the direction of the front door.

"Tori shut the front door!" Brittney yelled.  Lance stepped into the bedroom and lurched backwards as Brittney and I raced for the door's exit.

"What the--?"

I raced passed Tori who stood frozen in place. I made it to the front door just as the door knob turned. I barreled my body against the door and pushed against it.

"What is your problem?" Lance heavy footsteps thudded as he headed for the front door. He used his weight to push against it.

"Someone was outside looking in the window!" Brittney said, her hands covering her face.

The door creaked open an inch and Brittney screeched as a hand reached around the opening. I heard someone grunt.

"The stars at night..." The voice whispered.

"Are big and bright..." Lance grunted. It was then I knew something was off. I stood back and watched as Lance pulled the front door open. The man who stood at the window, his cloaked friend and Lance stuck out their chests and sang in unison.

"Deep in the heart of Texas!" They shouted.

"You assholes!" Brittney shouted.

The guy at the window doubled over with laughter. "God you are so easy. I wanted to wave but I figured that would have killed it."

The cloaked guy pulled off the white mask and gave me a huge foolish looking grin. "We found out about your vacation through an envelope Lance left behind and Lawrence and I thought..." He motioned to the guy who had stood at the window. "This is better than Texas.  It’s hot as a desert there anyway. We'll just join you in here."

While the three buffoons continued laughing about their ultimate prank. Brittney and I exchanged glances that said one thing - it was payback time.

This is my entry to last week's writing prompt! Make sure to tune in tomorrow for this week's prompt! All the required words are in bold.

This is part of an ongoing blog story, and I invite you to click this link to read the entries that completes this story!


  1. Hehe. Love the horror-humor twist. Are we going to find out what the payback is?

  2. See, some people just take it too far. I would have been out the door, too. Run first. Ask questions later. You have to get them back, good.

  3. This had me holding my breath literally! Holy crap you really had me!! Brilliantly written suspense!



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