Am I really doing this?
You know those nights where you can’t really sleep…and your mind seems to be more awake than you intend it to be….and those aimless unprovoked thoughts come forward…those thoughts you usually let go unnoticed during the waking hours…
Well, that thought…that question…came forward in the middle of the night and stayed with me even after I woke up at 6 o’clock the next morning. It stayed with me long enough for me to wonder why I felt that way and what caused it.
When I started a blog back in June, I had been inspired to create one because of the Google Site I created about my experiences as a mentor during my senior year. I loved the creativity involved and I loved writing about my experiences with something I thoroughly enjoyed. Since this was just a requirement for being a mentor at my college, when I graduated, so did the site and I wanted to continue my good feeling. So, almost immediately after graduating, I created this blog.
Really, I had no idea I would enjoy blogging so much and whether anyone would actually read it. But I have enjoyed every moment of it, and I have even begun to realize that I do have people who enjoy reading it. It’s amazing.
So, when that thought came to me in the middle of the night…I had to think about it. When this thought lingered, a part of me wanted to go online and take down the blog and hide it into safe keeping where no bad or negative feedback can get at it. I wanted to hide it away from people. I suddenly didn’t want to put myself out there like that. I felt vulnerable all of a sudden. I felt unsafe. I felt afraid. And I didn’t want to feel that way…
I didn’t take it down though. I had gone so far already and I didn’t want to go back.
And it was then that I realized that this blog served another purpose…it served the purpose of overcoming fear.
You would be amazed about how fear can overwhelm you and hold you back. The fear of rejection. The fear of failure. The fear of not meeting up to expectations (yours or someone else’s). The fear of letting people down. Fear of that word “no.” No, you’re not good enough. No, we won’t accept your story. No, I don’t like it. Just…no….
And so far, I have not let my own fears of rejection, failure, or whatever it is that may hold me back…stop me from pursuing my dream. And I haven’t taken down my blog. This blog is my way of helping myself with that fear. Really, it’s my first experience of putting myself out there for a lot of people to see…most of whom I don’t know personally. And in fact if you knew me well enough, you’d probably know that I take great care in sharing the stories I write, so this is a big deal for me.
So today, I’m inspired to write because I have put myself out there. I have overcome my own fears. And you know what? I want you to congratulate yourself too if you have put yourself out there in anyway. Whether it’s through the material you’ve published, the blog you started, the story or poem or article or novel you submitted to a publisher or shared with a friend. Congratulations. Today isn’t about whether it’s right, or successful, or appeals to a mass audience. Today is about congratulating yourself for trying at all. If you haven’t put yourself out there in any way…do it. Start a blog. Ask someone to critique something you have written. Submit that piece you have been meaning to send. Don’t hold yourself back today.
Because one day…you will be able to hear that word you have always wanted to hear and it will mean more than any of those no's you have ever heard….because one day you will hear YES.
08 August 2011
Posted on 12:23 PM by Nicole Michelle | 8 comments
All Blog Posts Belong to Nicole Pyles. Powered by Blogger.